My music host/provider, SoundCloud - got attacked by hackers, so the player is down. If you are reading this and you wish to stream music, please visit my MySpace.
This morning I woke up to the sound of the rain. It kept it up, and now it is raining hard, all other sounds muffled. I am having a quiet morning, but tonight I am going to perform again - it is a promotional sort of appearance.
There is so much to do before my London trip - yes, October 19th Missy and I are flying to London, where I will be opening for Morcheeba, and also doing another couple of special shows.
But this morning I am unable to do much - the rain is making me slow down and take stock.
I went back to an old, abandoned blog of mine - realizing I need to back it up, just in case it vanishes from virtual space. It is uncanny to read my entries of 4-5 years ago. So much of me is the same, really. And this is after working so hard to change and improve. But is it a bad thing? No, I would not say so. Although I may still have the same shortcomings, I have become stronger - and better, in some ways.
I sometimes think that people are made of various materials - some are wood, some are steel - some are copper or gold. Maybe that answers the question why some people go through a challenging experience and emerge broken, while others become stronger - or harder.
Harder is not always the best thing, either, though.
I am very fortunate, because although I am stronger now, I am actually less hard than I was when I was a teen.
I do believe that in order to be an artist of any kind, you have to stay vulnerable to the world. Because only when you are open, you can be a proper channel for magic to come through you. Being open leaves you vulnerable, however, and there is no way around that. When you become hard, your shell may protect you - but it also keeps a lot out. Such is the Law - to know great joy, you may also go through great suffering.
I performed Monday night- it was a release party for my EP. It was a poetic kind of experience - because you see, I performed with the same quartet (Sonus) I had used a few years ago, when I released my first ever project, Breakfast with Chopin. Except this time was very different. I have come such a long way since then.
My inner critic tells me I could have come further. Don't you just love it - that voice that belittles your accomplishments and says: 'well, yes, but...'
That voice can be a terrific motivator, however. It is important to remember, though, that it can also incapacitate you, depending on how sure of yourself you are. I am thankful that I have come to a place, emotionally, where even when I doubt myself, I forge ahead and be what may.
And the countdown to the release of the full record in the new year begins now.